Tomorrow I meet with the dietitian and the exercise physiologist. I will have a Metabolic test done that will tell me how many calories my body uses daily. I really hope that they have some insight as to what I am doing wrong. I had a very weak moment yesterday and eat a hand full of Hershey's Kisses. I feel so guilty about it. I almost tried to make myself throw up to get rid of it, but I didn't. UUggggghhhh!!! I hope tomorrow goes well.

In LIMBO

I haven't written for a while because I feel like I am in LIMBO. Like I'm waiting for something to happen that just isn't getting there. I had a fill on the 7th and still don't feel any different. I can still eat 6oz and still get hungry every couple of hours. I had a bad weekend and eat too many bad things for me and didn't lose any this week. I'm trying so hard not to fall back into my old habits of eating when I feel like I've failed with yet another diet. The Nurse Practitioner that I saw last week said that most people are at the "sweet spot", the spot where they lose the most weight, when they have between 4 and 6ml's of fluid in their bands. Before my fill I had 3ml, she only put 0.5ml so now I have 3.5ml (just in case you couldn't count). I was really hoping that she would put more in, but I can't tell her what to do, she is the professional. She also told me that I want to try to get my fills in before the global period for my surgery ends. (A global period is an amount of time after a procedure that if you receive care related to that procedure it is considered part of that treatment and most of the time you don't have to pay for it.) My surgery has a 90 day global period, she also told me they could do fills on me every week if they needed to. I wish someone had told me this two months ago. Now I can't get back in to have another fill until the 29th. I can only go on Thursday's and they only do those appointments in the morning. I'm just feeling very frustrated. I feel just like before the surgery when I would try so hard to stay on a new eating plan, and nothing happened. In the past I would just give up and go on with life, but I can't do that. I can't afford to do that. I've spent way too much money to give up. Not to mention the pain and sacrifices. I have started exercising more, so that should help, but I still feel like I've failed. I really don't mean to complain, I have lost 17lbs, but I should be further than this. One of the girls at work is doing body for life and she has lost more than I have. I can't fail at yet another try at losing weight. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never recover.