Long time, no post

I haven't posted for at least a month because I feel like things are going very slowly. I keep trying to remind myself that slow is good, but you know, we all want instant gratification now days. I have lost 35lbs as of last week. I'm still working on it. I've been doing better with exercise (thanks Taralyn for walking with me), but I still have a long ways to go. I am no longer having to take two of my prescription medicines which is great because they were my two most expensive ones. I'm having some problems with snacking, and sweets. I believe these things will always be an issue for me, but someday I will learn how to control them better. My next goal is to exercise at least 4 times a week, and use my Wii-Fit more to vary my work-out. I'll try to report back in a few weeks to let you know how things are going. Thanks for all the support!

3 months out

I'm going to my appointment with my surgeon tomorrow, hopefully she will give me another fill. I still get hungry more than I should (about every 3-4 hours depending on what I eat.) and I still need to eat between 5 and 6oz to feel satisfied. I haven't been back on the scale since my last appointment two weeks ago. I'm afraid to. I have been having quite a bit more restriction in the sense that things get caught that didn't used to get caught. I have to be very careful that the proteins that I eat are not dry, and that I chew them really well. My exercise has been hit and miss. I've got so much going on right now with the cakes I have coming up, that it has been hard to keep up with it. When I have gone walking with Taralyn and sometimes my Dad, I am doing much better with my feet. I've been able to walk a whole mile and even a little more. Doesn't seem like very much for most people, but that is coming from not being able to walk a couple blocks without my arches cramping up. My next goal is to be more consistent with my exercise, and walk at least 3 times a week every week for at least a mile each time.

Tomorrow I meet with the dietitian and the exercise physiologist. I will have a Metabolic test done that will tell me how many calories my body uses daily. I really hope that they have some insight as to what I am doing wrong. I had a very weak moment yesterday and eat a hand full of Hershey's Kisses. I feel so guilty about it. I almost tried to make myself throw up to get rid of it, but I didn't. UUggggghhhh!!! I hope tomorrow goes well.

In LIMBO

I haven't written for a while because I feel like I am in LIMBO. Like I'm waiting for something to happen that just isn't getting there. I had a fill on the 7th and still don't feel any different. I can still eat 6oz and still get hungry every couple of hours. I had a bad weekend and eat too many bad things for me and didn't lose any this week. I'm trying so hard not to fall back into my old habits of eating when I feel like I've failed with yet another diet. The Nurse Practitioner that I saw last week said that most people are at the "sweet spot", the spot where they lose the most weight, when they have between 4 and 6ml's of fluid in their bands. Before my fill I had 3ml, she only put 0.5ml so now I have 3.5ml (just in case you couldn't count). I was really hoping that she would put more in, but I can't tell her what to do, she is the professional. She also told me that I want to try to get my fills in before the global period for my surgery ends. (A global period is an amount of time after a procedure that if you receive care related to that procedure it is considered part of that treatment and most of the time you don't have to pay for it.) My surgery has a 90 day global period, she also told me they could do fills on me every week if they needed to. I wish someone had told me this two months ago. Now I can't get back in to have another fill until the 29th. I can only go on Thursday's and they only do those appointments in the morning. I'm just feeling very frustrated. I feel just like before the surgery when I would try so hard to stay on a new eating plan, and nothing happened. In the past I would just give up and go on with life, but I can't do that. I can't afford to do that. I've spent way too much money to give up. Not to mention the pain and sacrifices. I have started exercising more, so that should help, but I still feel like I've failed. I really don't mean to complain, I have lost 17lbs, but I should be further than this. One of the girls at work is doing body for life and she has lost more than I have. I can't fail at yet another try at losing weight. I'm afraid if I do, I'll never recover.

What is the Lap Band?

I didn't take into consideration that most of you haven't researched the Lap Band like I have so, I've decided to post some information about what I have done. It may make some sense of my posts. I have borrowed some information from the LAP-BAND website.

The LAP-BAND ® System is a silicone elastomer ring designed to be placed around the upper part of the stomach and filled with saline on the inner surface. This creates anew small stomach pouch and leaves the larger part of the stomach below the band so the food storage area in the stomach is reduced, and the pouch above the band can hold only a small amount of food. The band also controls the stoma (stomach outlet) between the two parts of the stomach. The size of the stoma regulates the flow of the food from the upper to the lower part of the stomach. When the stoma is smaller, you feel full sooner and have a feeling of satiety so you are not hungry between meals.

The band is connected by tubing to an access port that is placed beneath the skin during surgery. Later, the surgeon can change the stoma size by adding or subtracting saline inside the inner balloon through the access port. This adjustment process helps drive the rate of weight loss. If the band is too loose and weight loss inadequate, adding more saline can reduce the size of the stoma to further restrict the amount of food that can move through it. If the band is too tight, the surgeon will remove some saline to loosen the band and reduce the amount of restriction.

I hope that makes more sense to those of you who haven't done tons of research like I have. I'm sorry I assumed that everyone knew what I was talking about.

One Month Out

Well guys and gals, my "good" computer's hard drive "died" and so I have not been able to post for quite a while. This will be quick because I am still without my good laptop. I'm down 13.5 lbs now and back to "regular" foods. I made the mistake of trying to eat bread the other night and paid quite a price. It apparently got "stuck" and I felt like I had eaten something really sharp and it had gotten stuck in my esophagus. Then it felt like my stomach was trying to throw it back up, but my body didn't want to let it come back up so I was there fighting this seemingly unending battle with my stomach. I was trying to throw up thinking this would end my pain, but my body had a different plan. I guess all those years of fighting throwing up caught up with me. I even tried sticking my finger down my throat with no relief. The pain eventually went away, but my stomach is still sore. Yesterday, I started with what I believe to be the stomach flu so my stomach still hurts, but I am really unclear if it is due to the food getting "caught" or the bug. I stayed home from work worried that I might have another bout of as Stewart calls them the Hershey squirts. I truly hope that this is a bug and not some side effect of my surgery. I will weigh again tomorrow, assuming that I am well enough to return to work. I should be, I'm feeling much better now. I had my 4 week post op appointment and my first fill on Thursday the 18th. The doctor said I was eating too many times a day, and that I should shoot for only three meals a day. At that point I wasn't sure what the band was going to do now that she has filled it, so I didn't really ask any questions. I wanted to wait to see what I could eat. Turns out I can still eat about 6oz and I am still getting hungry every 2-3 hours. I'm going to call her this week to see if she wants to do anything.

Two weeks Post op

Two weeks post op. I can now have mushy foods like mashed potatoes, soft fruits and veggies, cottage cheese, string cheese, soft meats like fish, imitation crab, canned chicken, soft pork, beans (with Beano), and so forth. Today was the first day. I had some canned peaches for breakfast. I am starting to get a little worried because I'm getting hungry every couple of hours. I don't feel like I should be getting hungry so often. I just don't know. I've put the question into the Obesity Help.com Message Boards to see if anyone has some insight. I am terrified that I am going to gain weight. I'll wait to eat something until I'm shaky and light headed because I'm afraid I'm "making myself hungry".

Cravings

The cravings are getting harder to ignore. I think if I could eat something besides liquids It would be easier to feel satisfied. After Tuesday I can have mushy things. I saw the doctor on Thursday for my first pre-op. While I was waiting for them to call me back, there were a few people that came in to the waiting room and were also waiting for appointments. One of the gals was sitting in front of me with her back to me. She was very loud and started talking to the lady on the far side of the room. The lady on the far side of the room was very slim and it was obvious that she was post op by quite a ways. The first lady asked the second lady about how long it had been since her surgery. She said it had been 13 months. She then asked her how much she had lost. She had lost 120lbs. with the Lap Band and was now a size 8. she said she hadn't been a size 8 since junior high. The first lady was then going off about how she didn't know if she could do it, that she didn't know if she was going to be able to lose her 80lbs. I thought to myself, "At least you only have 80lbs to lose". At that split moment I decided I was going to say that, so I did. The girl turned around and looked at me. She then asked me if she if I was post op and how far out I was. When I told her I was a week out, she says "Wow and you're up and about, that's AMAZING!" I wanted to say to her that I had been back at work since Monday, but I didn't. It made me realize that everyone thinks they have it harder than everyone else. I should be grateful that I only have 130lbs to lose and not 200lbs to lose. It's difficult to look at it like that because I have a long and hard road ahead of me, but I'm going to try.

First week post op

Well, I've made it to one week post op. I'm feeling pretty well. I only have pain when I move certain ways like when I sit down, or stand from a sitting position, bend over to the front or the left side, cough, sneeze, or stretch back. That sounds like a lot, but it isn't that bad. I'm getting better every day. I'm on what they call a "Full Liquid Diet". I can have cream soups that have been pureed if they have any chunks, yogurt, cream of wheat, grits, and things of the like. If it is semi-liquid at room temperature I can have it. That phase lasts for two weeks. I'm already looking forward to the next phase. This experience (the clear liquid diet the week before surgery, and the current phase) has really made me realize how much our lives revolve around food. It's everywhere. There are countless T.V. commercials about buying, cooking, storing, disposing of, and avoiding food. I am very thankful that they have not invented "smell-o-vision". Food rules our world. It is readily available in almost every setting. We surround ourselves with it on a daily basis. It's no wonder why 34 percent of americans are obese, and 32 percent are overweight. I think I am coming to realize that I have an addiction to food. Just like my addiction to nicotine, and just as deadly. They only problem is that I need food to survive. I need to take my time "without food" to figure out how to live my life controlling the addiction and not letting in control me. I already find myself wishing I could exercise so that I could eat more of what I want. Let's hope that dream comes true, and I learn how to do that.

Welcome!

People keep saying they want to keep up with my progress after this Lap Band Surgery, and I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to post on Facebook, so I decided to start a Blog. Now most of you know, and if you didn't before, you do now, that I am not the most "tech" savvy, nor am I the best at keeping up on these types of things, so bear with me. In this Blog you may hear and be privy to some of my deepest thoughts and feelings. Some of these thoughts and feelings may not be pleasant as this process is so far, and from what I've heard, not a pleasant one. I'll do my best to keep in mind that not everyone works in the medical field and is as "jaded" as I am. I am planning on posting pictures of my progress, so please be kind, and remember that my appearance and my health are the reason's I am doing this. While these pictures may not be pleasant to the eye, they are meant for educational purposes only. As things progress, I may feel more comfortable with sharing these pictures with more people, but for now, only those that have been invited to view my blog will see them. Feel free to post comments, insights and suggestions. Remember, I am still very uncomfortable with myself, so if my reply or comment seems "off" it's me, not you, and it wasn't meant to be rude. In closing, I'd like to say THANKS for visiting.
-Annette "Nettie"